Year Three Gone By

April 9, 2013 · Filed under At Home, Baby boomers, Burzynski, Cancer Therapies, Conscious Dying, Consciousness, Death and Dying, Grief, Grieving, Hospice, Karma, Medical Procedure, Surviving Spouse, trauma healing · Tagged bliss, God Consciousness, hospice, hospice chaplain, oneness, publishing, self Realization

My friends,

Book publishing is a slow process, at this point, mostly waiting, waiting for connections to be made, for responses from those connections, for the next inspiration. Sample chapters have gone to one agent who said he could not pitch this book to a major publishing house because I don’t have a substantial following, you my dear friends, not withstanding.

Now connecting to another agent to see if we can make some inroads to Hay House. Asking for your Light and love for the highest good of all concerned.

In the meantime, I have been encouraged by my beloved Kenny’s soul to continue to write. So here I am again. I’m going to start with a photograph that in earth terms has no explanation.

The little ducks are about 2” long each and the crosses are about 7” long. See how the crosses are perfectly aligned parallel to each other on the wooden surface and the ducks are all facing one direction? I did not place them in these positions. And no one else was in my room when I noticed how specifically they were placed. My only explanation is that Kenny somehow moved these objects to get my attention. *

Crosses & Ducks

So on January 11, 2013, when I discovered this little tableau, I wrote my question to Kenny. Remember, the way I access these messages is through wri—I don’t seem to be able to focus verbally or visually. So putting my hand to the task seems to keep me focused enough to get the message.

“Dearest Kenny,

Did you move the ducks and the crosses?”

“–Ahem—who else my Cutie Pie!”

“Why?”

He wanted to talk to me, to let me know I was putting out a certain kind of negativity that may be blocking my next steps. He said he would protect me and guide me through clearing. It was a very short message, but important in that it is bringing me deeper awareness of my consciousness.

I haven’t written in a long time, probably since the summer when I was immersed in polishing and categorizing and organizing and finalizing the sample chapters. And I noticed that my awarenesses aren’t as deep as they were when I was writing. The writing itself opened channels into the depths of my patterns, my awakening heart, and my unraveling. Profound is not a profound enough word to describe the unfolding that took place one paragraph after another. I long for more something—what is it that I long for?

The place within my consciousness where there is bliss, where there is fresh discovery, where wisdom resides and peace is present. Where all there is is the outpouring. I think at this moment I am describing the state of God Consciousness, Self Realization, and Oneness. To be present moment to moment while God showers me with mercy and unconditional love, to know what is taking place, to sit quietly still while my vision of God dances before my eyes.

It occurs to me that for the first time in my entire life, with no hesitation in any thoughts or feelings, that I am praying to my own consciousness that we place God first in all we do, all we think, all we feel, and all we imagine and wish for.

With my particular numerological life path of cooperation, solid foundation and perfection, routed in the earthbound even numbers of 2, 4, & 6, it has always been difficult to put God before all else. At once the concept asks me to give up control (as if I had any at all ever!) and I thought set aside my aspirations, my wishes and my dreams. That somehow God would find my countenance only worthy of isolation, spinsterhood, and deprivation. That nowhere in my wildest dreams would God agree with any of my dreams, for I must have needed to be punished for any and all past crimes against my soul and therefore against God.

Surely I have revealed enough in past articles for you to understand where all that unworthiness comes from. So today with my understanding of God as benevolent, kind, and unconditional, I practice self-forgiveness for any judgments I have held against myself for past indiscretions and transgressions. And I realize that God only sees me as an innocent child, completely lovable and tender, learning as I put one foot in front of the other. That there is nothing for God to forgive.

I did not die when Kenny died. I have much more to live for, to learn about, and to practice—especially placing God first in my life as I live each day in its glorious unfolding. Apparently he was done on this earthly plane, but I am not.

Which leads me to how to live each day in the heart of God. What would I do, I ask myself? Whatever it is, I do with a consciousness of serving. Serving at work, serving in my interactions with friends, family, and coworkers. Serving as I contemplate discovering new relationships. To emerge from the cocoon of a child-born need to be shown I am loved, to giving love, serving, sharing, and taking care as the fruits of my impulse to belong.

The whole being emerges content in the serving, peaceful in the relating, completely free to share delight and compassion, joy and even silliness. The whole being spontaneously touches with hugs, comforting pats and caring, giggles when it’s funny and belly laughs when it’s hilarious, which it is more often than ever now.

From our Hospice Chaplain just 17 days before Kenny passed into Spirit:

“Dear Kenny,

I wanted to write you to affirm your wisdom and good humor and sureness of life in the spirit. I also wanted you to know that all the love that you share with your loved ones will only increase, though they may not be able to see you in the form they are used to seeing you in.

You have everything you need. Your words are a testament to that. The only thing I would suggest is that you and Carol (or anyone else who will) agree on some touchstone symbol of connection (a particular bird, butterfly, etc) that you can send them when you are in your next cycle. This may sound crazy and may or may not be compatible with your beliefs. Most families were certain I was crazy when I suggested this, but then they would call me and say: “You’re not going to believe what just happened!” We would laugh together about the wonderful gift of “coincidence” of timing or electrical “impossibility” that had just occurred…or the cardinal that wouldn’t fly away, though only 2-3 feet away…the butterfly that landed on some loved one’s nose!! So I offer this to you in the hopes that the ongoingness of life somehow fits into your life view. It is not intended to diminish any part of your full spiritual potential…it is just a love tap from the other side that brings comfort to those of us left on this side. You write beautifully and I imagine that your writing will continue in some special way. Clearly you have written beautifully on the hearts of your sisters. You have Karen, your Mom and Dad, Gramma and Gacky waiting for you with open arms whenever you are ready to graduate this part of your journey. I send you thanks for reminding me what I sometimes forget, which you obviously have known all along: “Have fun with your life!” Back atcha. Well done, Kenny. Your birthing will be glorious.”

Today I immerse myself in the passion for God even more after having seen the movie, Les Mirerables. Even though the story is sad and it brought tears of compassion to my eyes, it also brought tears of joy and connection and recognition that God is real. In the beginning of the movie the priest says to Valjean, “I saved your life for God.” At the end of the movie, Lemaire eloquently utters, “To love someone is to see the face of God.”

So from beginning to end, my heart was open, receiving of the most beautiful melodies, lyrics, costumes, scenery, production, all of it without a smidgeon of hesitation, reservation, withholding. How glorious it is to receive with the purity of an open heart. Everything is blessed. Everything is bliss!

March 30 marked three years since Kenny’s passing. Here’s to his soul, his memory, his talent, and his ability to bring us joy and exampleship as he blazed his trail to God.