Archive for March, 2010

What’s da Haps?

That’s how some Hawaiians like to say,”What’s happening now?”

Today, I am having Carol, my wife take dictation.

Yesterday was an interesting day. Let’s call it my pie day. I had one friend show up with my favorite coconut custard pie from Earth Caffe–a whole one. They make the best coconut custard pie on earth.

I shared it with five friends. It was fantastic. Before we could even finish another friend showed up with a whole apple pie from Apple Pan. They make the best apple pie in the world. Plus a pint of Haagen Das vanilla. They make the best vanilla ice cream in the world. So I had apple pie and ice cream following the coconut cystard. After that my consciousness was such a blur I don’t remember if I ate any dinner or not. But I do remember having a gratifying bowel movement afterward.

Today I had a wonderful video conference with my sister Cynthia and some wonderful emails from friends and family and wonderful phone calls and visits from friends and some great naps, a wonderful bath and great value from the Circle of Light provided by the Heartfelt Foundation.

Among the many community services Heartfelt provides the Los Angeles area, they organize comfort and care for members of MSIA who are close to making their transition leaving behind the physical body. This describes the Circle of Light.

Today I listened to my favorite musician, Mark Knopfler’s latest album, “Get Lucky.” Mark Knopfler is such an extraordinary musician, story teller and guitar player with an extremely wide repertoire of musical styles. Seems I never get tired of his music.

As usual Carol’s been taking extraordinary care of me today in every way and being an adorable dufus. Looking forward to more pie later.

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The Blessings Already Are

Almost anything I could ask Spirit for at this point seems to already be provided. There may be some things I could ask for…

I am visualizing reduced swelling in my legs, and healing of some damaged tissue in my body.

I visualize grace and ease with my next bowel movement.

I visualize having enough energy to be present with my family and friends these days.

Getting delicious and nutritious foods at each meal would be nice, too

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Final Days?

The nurse came last night and gave me an enema and a suppository and I had fine BM, and feel so much better. There’s a lot more to the story of that, but better left off.

I have become a very fussy eater, especially since seeing “Julie and Julia”. My appetite seems to be slipping, so why eat bad or mediocre food? I got a copy of Julia Child’s book on eBay and have read about French cooking in general and how to make French sauces. She is so good, and fun to read.

Today, I look forward to a Hawaiian lunch of Lau Lau, Lomi Salmon, and Chicken Long Rice from the Aloha Cafe. Carol will also have a Hawaiian lunch of her choice. We will have Haupia for dessert.

I also plan to have an upcoming meal from Chef Marilyn’s Soul Food Express. Good Southern cookin’.

I am comfortable and happy. I finished writing my obituary last night, and have made pretty much all the final arrangements for my transition into Spirit. There will be a memorial service for me here at Prana (Peace Awareness Labyrinth and Gardens) and one also in Pickens, South Carolina for my East Coast family and friends.

My body will be cremated and the ashes spread in Barnegat Bay, New Jersey, along with some in the Atlantic Ocean in Lavallette and Bay Head, New Jersey. Barnegat Bay is the beloved body of water where our Newman family had our beloved Island House for about 75 years. I learned to swim, row, and sail in the bay, and was a life guard at Bay Head with Capt. Bill Dowling and at Lavallette with co-guard Gordon Hesse.

Two of my sisters and I have rigged up video conferencing on our computers and have already had two video conversations, which were very nice. The third sister is still working on it. We can only do one pair of people at a time, but it’s better than nothing. Of course, if they all had Mac computers and knew how to use them, we could all four video conference together at the same time. No judgement there, I’m just saying… Some people like driving Toyotas and some people like driving Mercedes Benz, that’s all. It’s just a choice. Anyway, ain’t technology wonderful that we can use it this way? I look forward to more video conferences in the upcoming days.

I have been tiring easily and quickly lately, so I have to be careful not to expend too much energy with visitors, who seem to be dropping by more frequently lately. Peace and quiet is what I need a lot of these days.

My spirit bird is the red-tailed hawk, so whenever you see or hear one, think of me. I have a red-tail hawk feather in my hat band as a gift from my friend, Marsha Scott.

There is a red-tail hawk living nearby that likes to eat the fish in our pond. It also likes to bathe in our rills. One day, I saw it running along the side of the upper pool at Prana with it’s tail stuck in the water. It looked like it was playing with the water. Odd but endearing behaviour. I hope to see the hawk again soon.

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What’s New Today?

I got a new hospital bed in my room, and it is so much more convenient and flexible to use than the old bed, it is a great and welcome addition. I can use the side rails to turn myself easier, and I can raise and lower my head and feet by myself. It’s great.

Most people don’t realize that about all I have left is mental energy. Today, when I tried to stand up in my own, I ran out of breath and had to sit back down. I could’t walk for the first time.

The good news… I had a really healthy bowel movement this evening without needing an enema. I can’t tell you how happy that made both me and Carol. It’s a big deal because my pain meds tend to put my digestive system to sleep, so something as simple as a bowel movement can become a very big problem.

Again, we asked Spirit to meet us at our point of action, so I got out of bed and on the cammode and delivered. It was heavenly and I was grateful.

As I said in the beginning, I am now living on mostly mental energy, and I have to be very conservative with it. To write, to speak, to listen and respond, to read all consume it and I have to recharge it.
I do that with my oxycodone, sleep and naps, good food, peace and quiet, chanting my soul tone, listening to my Soul Awareness Tape Cds. Seeding and tithing. These are the things that give me energy. Tithing is giving 10% of your increase to the source of your spiritual teachings. Simply said, seeding is the planting of what you want to receive. To find out more go to http://www.tithing.org/seeding_what.php

When I chant my Soul Tone the Mystical Traveler appears to recharge my energy. Some of you probably don’t understand that or believe it. To find out more about it go to http://www.msia.org.

What or who is the Mystical Traveler? The one who has the ability to take me into the Soul Realm, show me the way, and remind me that I am a Soul in a human body. Is that different from Jesus the Christ? No, Jesus was a Mystical Traveler. But, yes, they do have somewhat different jobs.

It’s not up to me to define that for anybody, but if you want to know more, check it out on the MSIA website.

In fact, the best thing to do, in my opinion, is subscribe to Soul Awareness Discourses to read, in my opinion, the most profound spiritual writings on the planet. $50 for the first 12 issues is a no-brainer. If you don’t get any value from it, don’t renew for the second year. If you want to know the reality of God as a practical, personal, immediate, constant presence in your life, you can get it with Soul Awareness Discourses. I did. I know God and God knows me. Jesus has been my older brother since Southern Baptist summer camp in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains of South Carolina when I was about 12 or 14 years old. Jesus showed me His reality at that time during a prayer at evening chapel by Dr. Batson. Shortly after that, Dr. Batson baptized me in the First Baptist Church of Pickens, South Carolina.

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The Triumph of the Spirit

Let’s see, diagoned in early June with metastacized melanoma. My liver at that time was 70% filled with cancer tumors and my spleen was even worse. It had spread to lymph nodes, ribs, pelvis and had invaded enough tissue to really scare me. Of course, my oncologist recommended chemotherapy to start immediately.

I brought forward the memory of my mother, who had gone to Sloan-Kettering hospital in New York to get the best care available. They performed horribly disfiguring surgery on her chin and throat. Followed by burning out her salivary glands with radiation, followed by weeks of nausea and weakness brought on by chemo. I am not convinced that the cancer killed her. I held her in my arms as she took her last morphine filled breath. I told her how much I loved her, and encouraged her to forgive herself for ever judging herself about the way she raised me, or about the way I turned out. Or for anything else in her life, for that matter. Just total self-forgiveness.

She tried to look at me, and got big tears in her eyes and quit breathing. Carol was the only other one there with us when Mom died.

Everyone else had just walked out to take a break, having spent time being there with her and saying their goodbyes. Carol and I had just gotten there from a flight from Califronia, so it was our turn.

We were the lucky ones, to watch her last breath. I also got to see Gacky’s (grandad’s) last breath, years before. There is something supremely magical about that moment when the spirit of the person escapes the confines of the body and expands into it’s next level of education in the next realm. Jesus said, “in my house are many mansions”. I have often wondered if He was referring to several levels of spirit that exist beyond the physical level rather than just one that everybody calls Heaven. I guess I am about to find out.

Anyway, I digressed.

Diagonosed in June, scanned in July, October, November, February PET showing complete involvement of melanoma in all body tissues, including heart, aorta bone marrow, several MRIs showing mets in the brain growing, ultrasounds, 12 blood transfusions of multiple pints of blood, pneumonia… I mean, folks, I think I may have set some kind of record for having the most melanoma a living human being can have and still be alive. My radiologist in Houston even said that to me, the most he had ever seen.

So, today is Saturday, March 13, 2010. Nine months since my diagnosis. If I was a woman, I could have given birth by now. Let’s count my blessings.

I have no pain to speak of, since my my new hospice nurse (Lorraine) has so graciously fixed my previously painful bowel movement problem. I have friends all over the world sending me continuous Light and Love, and friends right here at Prana who can drop by and bless me with the most amazing prayer communion and blessings. I have wonderful food prepared for me daily. I have new equipment in my room to make my life more convenient and simple and comfortable. I have my medications that I need. I got very loving phone calls from my sisters, Cynthia, Debbie and Eugenia. Last night, I easily walked up and down the hall with my walker. I got to watch “Appaloosa” again last night, for the 12th time. I have my new all-beaver fur Virgil Cole hat with a horse tail twist hat band and a red-tailed hawk feather in it.

And to top it all off, I have the most loving, devoted, sweet, caring, serving, responsible, coordinating, cute, affectionate, sexy, huggable, saint of a wife anyone could possibly imagine in Carol. If MSIA granted annual sainthood awards, she would be the first I would nominate. You would have to have seen her in action to believe the extrodinary level of care she has provided me throughout these last nine months. My best friend, my one and only lover, my partner, my sweet baby.

My soul brother, Babalola Cris-Rotimi calls me every day to celebrate my triumph of the soul while still in the body.

There can be no other explanation as to why I am still here with a clear consciousness, a positive and cheerful focus, fun-filled and adventurous days, miracles of perfect timing clicking off right on schedule, the continuous spiritual persence of the Mystical Traveler and Jesus Christ, among a large host of other spiritual beings who are enjoying my jokes and wise-cracking. I’m listening closely for the sound current and looking forward to hearing it better.

To what can I attribute all this good fortune,? I did it by asking God to grant me some extra time to be of service to anyone I can in any way I can. I asked that it be done through grace and ease, with the blessings of Jesus Christ.

I think it would clear to anyone reading this blog that my request had been granted big time.

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Giving Up?

Today I found myself giving up on my chances for recovery from cancer, but for no real reason. My friends had not given up on me, miraculous as it sounds. Yes, we are flying back to Prana tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean the Burzynski medications are not going to work for me. I will continue taking what I can of them and combined with my cancer healing affirmation I may be able to heal the cancer. Light on all that for the highest good of all cencerned.

I do not know what Spirit has in store for me. I will keep breathing as long as Spirit gives me breath. And if melanoma absolutely must claim my body, it can have it. Melanoma cannot go where I go, because I go into the pure Spirit of the Soul Realm that is my true home.

I can still walk a bit and I have a good appetite if I eat what Spirit directs me to eat. I can have bowel movements, even if it means painful Fleet enemas. I still have Carol’s undying devotion to do anything and everything to take care of me and make me comfortable. I still have Dr. Burzynsky’s willingness to work with me and provide the medications that can overcome the cancer. I still have the love and support and faith of friends who are constantly sending me the audible Light stream of God. And I am still having miracles of perfect timing happening everyday to keep me going.

So, there is no reason to give up. I hereby let go of all and any reason to give up on my recovery from cancer and I allow myself any and all chances for a full recovery.

Well, I’m still here. After an amazing travel day from Houston to LA, and a very difficult night back at Prana, I find myself still breathing and carrying on. The night was difficult because Carol and I were both up all night dealing with a series of small bowel movements. A nurse is coming this morning to help us with all that. We are considering getting a hospital bed in here.

The flight from Houston was another series of miracles of perfect timing. The most significant detail was the extremely turbulent and dangerous landing in rough cross winds. I held the Light for the pilot and realized that it only takes one Light Bearer to do a job like that if you are strong in the Light. Together, the pilot and I landed the plane safely.

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Cancer Healing Affirmation

Cancer Healing Affirmation

I ask for the Light of the Christ for the highest good for all concerned.

I picture myself enveloped in the flames of the Burzynski medications. The flames are burning all the cancer cells and the heat causes the white blood cells to multiply and come forth like an army.

I send the white blood cell army to all the cancer tumors and visualize them being digested and having their food and blood supply being cut off.

I send the white blood cell army wherever there is cancer. I stop the cancer cells’ ability to communicate with one another. I use the white blood cell army to gather up the cancer cells, and dissolve them in the Light of The Christ.

I visualize myself being rained on with blue green healing energy.

I next form a grid of White Light around myself that seals in the healing energy.

Finally, I visualize myself completely healthy for the highest good of all concerned.

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