Archive for March, 2012

Standing in for God

For the last several weeks, as I began to realize I was nearing the concluding chapters of this book, I ran into what would normally be called a “writer’s block.” I thought about what I would write, I consulted my therapist on what I would write, I gathered comments from readers, and I worked on it in my Consciousness Health and Healing class. I certainly had gathered enough material to write. But alas, I continued to tinker around with, well, it was all important content, but still it wasn’t the ending content.

After weeks of pondering, feeling guilty and looking at the calendar seeing that time was running out on my self-imposed June first draft submission date, today it dawned on me that there might be something that needs to be cleared or discovered before I could launch into finishing this wildly revealing account in a life, in our life.

OK, a little history—in my last therapy session, even though together we have moved mountains (or healed nerve pathways at least), we still hadn’t touched upon what I experienced as blocks in my pelvic area. I was still devoid of sensation from the heart chakra down when my therapist would ask where in my body I felt such-and-such. So she suggested that this week I might put my hands on my belly, imagining it was Kenny with his powerful healing touch, much like he did in life when he put his hand on my chest or would hold me in silent embrace.

Today I opened the journal where I write to Kenny and he writes back through my hand. I asked: “Kenny, can you help me get started writing about myself to conclude the book?”

He said: “Remember my hand on your abdomen! Do it now, my sweetie.”

Dutifully I did what he said. I put both kind of chilled hands on my belly and waited until they warmed up. Then I put one hand on my chest with the other still on my belly. I heard Kenny say: “Now I AM standing in for God.”

I burst into sobs of gratitude for the synergy, for the all-encompassing love, for the listening and the sharing. For experiencing myself as connected through all the realms of Light right up into the God Source, through my darling Spirit of Kenny. How I am becoming in my own eyes, a Divine Being having a human experience. All this through his healing hands. You see, the consciousness doesn’t care if an image is taking place in the physical or the imagination. One way or another it reaches in to experience it fully. Amazing!

As I was thanking Kenny for this deep connection, I again heard him say (and the hearing is really intuiting through writing), “Carol dear, my heroine there on earth, sometimes thick and hard to reach, but when I finally get through you always open your heart to me in the most innocent ways. Have I told you lately your tears are so endearing to me. Come, my Sweetie, rest in my arms where we are one with God the Comforter. And in that I began to write this chapter.

I had dinner with my dear friend, Georgea, a few days ago and I recounted the phrase, “Standing in for God.” I first heard it coined by Diana, MSIA minister and Circle of Light visitor during Kenny’s last days. I wrote about it in previous chapters. I was so moved by her description of sitting in our room holding the Spiritual Light that night Kenny woke me up in the middle of the night to say goodbye. He wouldn’t pass until at least a week later, but Diana held and held throughout the night until dawn when she needed to leave for work. Georgea suggested what a wonderful title for a book or a chapter in this book. I thought, yes, but I’d already written about it at least a couple of times. Little did I know it would blossom into this chapter, while Kenny stands in for God 24/7 now, probably not just for me but for whomever he agreed to watch over. His family, his friends who resonated with his passions, the flora and fauna here at MSIA headquarters, and wherever he is assigned.

How does this chapter draw me closer to finishing the book? How about being my own awestruck witness to the myriad ways grief emerges and submerges. Let’s go there for a moment.

Grief struck early, before the diagnosis when Kenny uttered that telling phrase, “Maybe I should just kill myself.”

Then as his illness progressed, it permeated every day, underneath the daily activity of his treatment regimen. Underneath my unwillingness to face what he knew way before I knew.

Then finally “agreeing” by default that hospice was the best choice.

Through those first months when I felt like I would never fill the hole left by Kenny’s passing from this world.

Through many months of moving in and out, up and down, sadness, gratitude, and some feelings of joy as I anticipate the future, and especially as I review the opportunities for growth and upliftment that I have been given through who we both are in Spirit—magnificent Divine Beings having agreed to love each other throughout eternity. Having loosened the shackles of karma, the purity of Divine Love with absolutely no karmic ties left in the hard realms of the physical, emotional, mental levels is at hand. What reigns supreme are gratitude and wonder, love and acceptance. And with all that comes a deeper understanding of my own process of awakening than I’ve ever experienced before.

I am blessed. I am loved. I experience peace in the stillness.

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Poem on the Nature of Loving Down Here and Up There

My dear friends,

I have so much to be grateful for. My by-weekly somatic EMDR sessions with my dear, smart, compassionate, skillful therapist, my Consciousness Health and Healing class at the University of Santa Monica, my spiritual studies over the decades through MSIA, my work at MSIA headquarter, and my own steadfast devotion to know myself as one with God, the brightness coming through from my Soul, and my dear family and friends who have unerringly stood by me not only through these last several momentous years, but throughout my quest for greater Spirit in my life. This poem came through in a USM class while responding to the prompt to access intuition through poetry. While it uses words of the world in describing the levels of consciousness here on earth as “here” and the levels of consciousness of Spirit as “there,” it is only a way to speak about how we experience loving. Really there is no here and there, but there is a continuum of which at any moment we may be aware or not. The secret is in precipitation–the prayer to bring down from Spirit that which can be manifest in this world. The last couple of phrases acknowledge this spiritual law.

Poem on the Nature of Loving Down Here and Up There

I asked for the Angel, Cherish at my back.
To help redirect me when I start to look behind me
When I see no other option but to withhold my loving
When I cannot even feel any loving.

Cherish stands tall pointing forward
Where there are no locked-in memories
Where there is only forgiveness and forgetting
Where I know I am Divine.

When I cannot see you for all the shadows of myself
I put between us
Cherish points up where we are united in the oneness
Where the Light is so bright, there are no shadows.

Down here in the magnetism of the reflected world,
I know not of High Forms or God’s Heart.
I am merely surviving the self-made war
between the you that is in me and the me that succumbed to despising us.

Here is where Cherish reigns, my Angel at the Gate
His arms envelop me in all surrounding embrace
Where indeed my High form and Your High form come into view
And together we all three travel into the Heart of God.

Such is the truth
Of why we are separate here and together there.
My darling Angel would say,
“Bring down from Heaven that which can be manifest in this world.”

And Peace and Love and Forgiveness and Tenderness and Healing
And all the Good things of the Soul shall prevail on Earth.
Baruch Bashan
The Blessings Already Are.

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On Contacting Kenny’s Soul

Kenny in his 30's & how he might look now in Spirit

My dear loyal readers,
I ask that you give me your honest thoughts about this article. I intend for it to go into the book, and if there’s anything I can add or subtract regarding its authenticity and disclosure, please respond.

PART OF THE FORWARD

I prayed a lot that Kenny would come to me with messages of wisdom, compassion, loving, and comforting. There were months when my grief was so heavy on my heart and my awareness, that all I could do was recount the pain of my experiences.

Then about seven months after Kenny passed, for the first time since he passed, I put my hand to paper with the intention of contacting Kenny’s Soul. Here’s what he said: 

On October 11, 2010, six months and 12 days after he ascended, Ken told me:
“I’m with you more deeply now than ever before.
I have let go of everything in the way.
Come to me that way and uncover your own depth of loving.
 Let go……” 

I had been encouraged by my dear friend, Saivahni, who believed in my skill as a “mental clairvoyant.” What’s that, I asked. It’s when intuition comes through the mental level of consciousness. The challenge—what is a message from the high realms? And what’s just one of my thoughts?

This prayer by John-Roger, found in the Spiritual Exercises CD Packet, Disc 2, Excerpt 17, has stayed with me through many years of study:
As we reach up to our high form, we ask to be surrounded with the Light of the Christ. We ask for fulfillment and protection and only that only which is the highest good of all concerned be brought forward.  And we ask for this, Father, with love and understanding. So be it.

What struck me so deeply was the notion of reaching up and contemplating the magnificence of my High Form. With my innate visual focus, I could see myself reaching. I could see my High Form. I could see my High Form surrounded by the Light of the Christ. I could fill myself with the truth that if I ask, the Christ will fill not only me but any gap in experience or information I may need to fulfill my destiny. If I reach up, the Christ will meet me at the point of my action. How amazing is that! Imagine being met by the Christed Light and watching it complete your work, the work you contracted to do and learn, the work that you agreed to give unto the world. You’ll see later in this book when this Christ Action was so very important to Kenny’s and my very existence as we skated over thin ice during those more than memorable days of treatment in Houston.

And today, as I reach up to my High Form where all high forms are one, under the protection of the Light of the Christ, I ask to be a clear channel for messages from Kenny’s Soul. More than these words, I have a powerful reference from all the years of the teachings of the Mystical Traveler, that where my high form resides really is a realm of God consciousness, all knowing, peace and infinite love, where God has a place and a space for everyone and everything. Where all information, eons of history, and the wisdom schools and the ancient teachings exist, waiting for us to open our consciousness to receive of their glory.

Doubt creeps in from time to time as to my real abilities, but then I read back over the messages from Kenny, and I know they did not come from my mind or my own creativity. I am convinced they came from that place way high in my consciousness where I am one with all there is. And all there is includes the Christ, the Mystical Traveler, God, my High Self, your High Self, all the Masters of Light that work with us, and so many more conscious beings including Kenny’s Soul.

So while we could argue about just who’s speaking through these messages, I am declaring they  have value in their words of wisdom, unconditional loving, compassion, joy, and so much more of the Soul’s influence on us mortal beings here on Earth.

So my message to you, whether or not you believe there is such a thing as communication with our higher levels of consciousness, or with those Souls who have dropped their bodies and gone on to higher realms of existence, I invite you to take from these messages the learnings and the healing that are available by applying the information to your own life. Remember Kenny said there is a blessing for each reader on every page. And if you must dismiss the messages as frivolous ramblings of a grieving widow, that’s fine with me. Wherever you think they came from, know they have moved my consciousness through my memories, my experiences, and my learnings with grace and the unshakable inner knowing that I am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. If I learn nothing else from the experiences recounted in this book, I have learned and continue to learn one of the challenging secrets of Soul Transcendence, that the only place to be is right here, right now! All things are possible here and now. Nothing can be changed about the past, and both wishing we could change the past and ranging out to the future keep us from experiencing Spirit right here and now, where all healing of memories exists, where all evolvement lies in wait. I don’t always remember to be in this truth, but I’m still a work in progress.

Please comment below or write directly to me at carol.jones43@yahoo.com.

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