The Edge of Life and Death
Each day now as I watch more of my physical body disappear to the consumption of melanoma, the edge comes closer, clearer. The relentless progress of the disease is observable in many ways, both in my skin and in my internal body functions.
I have several protruding lesions under my skin that would have raised alarming concerns six months ago, but now are no more than curiosities. However, they give me external markers of the progression of melanoma by how much they protrude, the size and the color.
The internal symptom that’s most responsible for my attention is the bleeding ulcer in my duodenum. I have to be careful of what I eat to avoid aggravating this condition.
I have been losing the layer of lubricating fat between my skin and muscles, so the skin on my feet, calves, ankles, hands, elbows, and knees is like a dried out sponge. It soaks up Aloe Vera and flax seed oil like one too.
My physical body is host to a process that is consuming itself. It reminds me of a vacuum-tailed creature in “Yellow Submarine” that sucked itself up into nothing. Why do I do this to myself?
Looking at it as a neutral observer, I’d say that this body is no longer needed on the planet and is simply going through a natural recycling program instituted by it’s own internal software that automatically kicks in at a certain point of failure of other metaprograms that were installed at the planning session of the individual with the Karmic Board before this incarnation began.
The efforts of the individual at this point to save the emaciated body and continue using it for service of the consciousness is a questionable goal, However, upon request of the individual, God’s grace for that purpose is being extended so a demonstration period can be established and observed for appropriate manifestation.
The failed metaprograms that the Karmic Board put in place were aimed at providing the individual with the appropriate opportunities for learning and growth and furthering the experience of the indwelling Soul.
The individual basically made bad choices, indulging instead in the pleasures of the world and letting the learning opportunities pass him by. After tens of thousands of opportunities had been ignored, the board voted to pull the plug on this body and make space on the planet for another Soul to seek it’s experiences and lessons.
The indwelling Soul in this body realized what was happening and requested another chance; additional time in this body to be of service and to advance it’s own enlightment and liberation from the bonds if the world. And to spend more quality time with his Sweetie wife.
The request was granted on a provisional basis, and an agreement was reached. The Soul must demonstrate an on-going commitment to:
1. being of service to others
2. using every experience he can for his advancement, learning, and growth toward liberation of the Soul.
3. taking good care of his Sweetie wife.
How the individual carries out the provisions of the agreement will be made on the basis of his individual choices. The Karmic Board will be observing and evaluating each choice. Lattitude will be permitted for the learning process. The board gently reminds the person to have fun, too.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Ok, I’m back.
I have been afraid to go to sleep for fear that I would not wake up again. Turns out, it is my basic self that is afraid of being abandoned. He needed comforting and I gave it to him; a caressing, soothing assurance that separating from the body is a natural process, and nothing to worry about. He will go back to where basic selves come from. Michael Hayes said an angel had been placed with my basic to calm his worries. Perhaps I can now sleep easy and in peace.
I had a PET scan two days ago. If you’re not familiure with PET scans, they are graphic pictures of the amount of metabolic activity in the body, specifically, the melanoma’s growth and spread.
We met with the Burzynski clinic radiologist today to see the scans. We went through the whole body. It was lit up like the Christmas Tree at Rockafella Square, I mean Broadway Marquee level.
After taking us through it he said it was “maximum involvement of melanoma, every kind of tissue, the most he had ever seen in a living human being.” After taking a moment to take that in I said, “Maybe I’ll set a new record for recovery.”
I asked him if he thought I can still recover, he said, “I don’t know.” My doctor, Associate Physician Sheryll Acelar, said the same, and added, “We are doing all we can.” She said Dr. Burzynski is working on my case. Among many others, of course.
Admittedly, the last two days have felt like my body was being consumed by the melanoma so fast it was disappearing into a black hole. Everything was difficult. My skin on my ankles felt like I had extreme sunburn. My arm and leg skin was as wrinkled as a 100 year old man. There was an ominous dark glow all under my chest skin. I was extremely weak. I gave myself less than a week to live.
Yet, Friday morning dawned with my feet and ankles showing tendons, meaning the swelling had gone down. I stood with renewed vigor and strength. The skin on my arms and legs was filled out again, wrinkles almost gone. I have to attribute the change in diet that includes animal protein to be the main cause of my turn around. Quite literally, I was starving myself to death on the previous diet.
Well, the new diet of eat anything and everything has made a big difference. But my digestive system has slowed down to the point that it’s hard to get anything to go all the way down.
Through Kenny's Eyes: A Magnificent Journey from Illness to Ecstasy 